- Resilience and Despair by QAALM – first off, my dogg Brock rules. I’ve been in two bands with him, he was in my wedding, and he’s just an all around rad dude. He’s in this band, and it fucking crushes. Atmospheric doom clocking in at no less than 15 minutes per song. Super stoked to hear this after they’ve been working on it for so long and that it’s getting a great reception.
- Out of the Woods by Oregon – I remember seeing this album in my dad’s record collection for ages and being intrigued by the album art. Now, like 35 years later, I totally get it. Haunting, complex, yet relaxing jazz fusion stuff.
- Just started the second season of Raised By Wolves. It’s getting pretty wild. Trying to get through this season so we can move on to Severance.
- Learning about the Asian Squat
- My cousin’s YouTube channel where she does stuff like reaction videos to Infant Annihilator songs
- The Dark Forest - book 2 in the Remembrance of Earth’s Past trilogy. I’ve never read much science fiction in the past, but these are pretty cool. If you’re not familiar, it’s written by a Chinese author, and the translations are pretty interesting. They feel much more … I dunno, descriptive than books written in native English. There are some cool concepts at play, and the second book is quite different from the first.
- The Daily Stoic – yeah, I know. Cheesy self-help, pop-psychology, Broicism™, blah blah. But I dunno, it’s just a nice way to start the day (when I remember to). Ultimately, it’s just a good reminder to not sweat the small shit and just pay attention to the things you can actually control. Seems obvious and easy, but, brains are not very smart. A minute to learn, a lifetime to master, etc.
- Obsidian – basically just a plain text / markdown editor. But, they’ve managed to get pretty much everything right with how I’d want to build up my collection of ideas and notes. There’s a whole “Personal Knowledge Management revolution” going on right now, mostly credited to a rediscovery of the Zettelkasten method and the popularity (and subsequent downfall?) of Roam Research. Basically, it’s taking a bunch of notes and easily linking them together from the text so you can have your own mini wikipedia or something along those lines. I’m a nerd who loves new apps and tinkering and this shit is right up my alley. The rabbit hole goes deep, and it’s flexible enough to look and act pretty much however you want if you put in the time with the right themes and plugins. It’s pretty much emacs for normals and I’m here for it.
- Raycast – this is pretty much the latest iteration of the whole launcher app idea that started with Quicksilver back in the day, which led to Launchbar and, most recently, Alfred. Those are all great and, in my opinion, necessary tools for using a computer, but Raycast feels like the next generation of the idea. It’s based on javascript, of course, and has a built in extension browser, etc. But, it also incorporates the nearly-ubiquitous command-k command palette approach to things you navigate to, and has the ability to interact with web APIs baked right in. This means you can do things like create Jira tickets right from it instead of having to open that piece of shit in your browser.
- Cardigan – I got this cardigan for Christmas when it was on sale and I shit you not, I’ve worn it pretty much every day since. This plus my house shoes makes me feel like Mr. Rogers. My friend Zac described it as “feral” and that feels about right.
- Home automation – I’ve gone all in with HomeKit since everything I have is Apple for the most part. This means at any given point it’s hard to tell if I just misconfigured something, the network is being crappy, or if the house is haunted. HomeKit doesn’t have as much stuff out there as Alexa and whatnot, but Homebridge makes it pretty good. for the most part, though, it’s Hue and Lutron lights that turn on and off by themselves using some Aqara motion sensors. I’ll write some more specific stuff about all this in future issues.
- Personal automation – this is mostly just stuff around using shortcuts to automate things. The main thing lately is using focus modes to automate things like turning zoom, my webcam app, and diffused light on for video calls and whatnot. I’ll write some of this up in the future as well when I have it more dialed in.
- Luminist – Metroid Resynthesized — this is an album I’ve been looking for since I was like 13 or whenever I first started playing Metroid on the NES. That game’s music has never been surpassed (Marble Madness comes close) but the only renditions available that I knew of were the actual 8-bit game music and the band covers like The Advantage, Minibosses, and Stemage. I loved them all, but when I heard this Luminist version it was like a layer of grime was taken off of the music. It’s a perfectly faithful rendition, just more lush and high resolution, and pretty much perfect.
- Messa – Close — a friend excitedly recommended this to us in our music slack describing it as a mix of doom, atmospheric goth rock, and straight jazz. Which, hell yeah. First listen… hmm. Second listen, ok there’s some cool stuff here… Third, fourth listens, HOLY SHIT. It’s incredible. Definite contender for album of the year.
- Superiority Burger – our 8 year old wanted to go vegetarian, so I’ve been trying out a bunch of recipes. I remembered that Brooks Headley (of Universal Order of Armageddon, Born Against, etc.) is now a world famous vegan chef who invented a veggie burger that’s veggie/grain forward instead of pretending to be meat with beet juice blood and whatnot. He’s based in NYC, but his Superiority Burger had a popup here in Portland a few years ago. Unfortunately, I found out about it too late. So, I found a recipe online and made it a few weeks ago. It’s pretty involved, but damn good. Give it a try!
- Jerry Garcia — we haven’t lived in southern California for 14 years or so now, but after 30 years there it runs deep. Jerry Garcia (no, not the Grateful Dead dude) is a comedian from Huntington Park and he looks pretty much exactly like my great uncle Dickie and hearing him talk feels like a warm blanket. His HBO special is called “It’s Not My Weekend” and it rules.
- Building A Second Brain – my work has a personal development budget that’s normally for things like attending conferences, and for some reason I’ve never used it during my six years there. So this year I realized I could buy a bunch of online courses and subscriptions to educational things. One of the things is the Building A Second Brain course. It’s basically an organization system for keeping track of all your projects and life areas and stuff and a methodology for making sure you just write shit down and put it some place you’ll be able to find it so you don’t have to keep it in your head. Not having more crap swirling around in my head sounds good to me, so hopefully this helps a bit.
- Youtube – I’ve been paying for Youtube Premium™ for year snow mostly because I don’t want my kids to see their crappy ads when watching stuff and the few times I’d click on a Youtube link I wanted no part of sitting through 45 seconds of a Geico ad or whatever. But I think I finally realized that Youtube kind of rules if you find the right stuff. I mostly watch nerdy shit I’m too embarrassed to link to here, but I finally get it!
- Raised by Wolves – this is an interesting sci-fi series on HBO about some atheist androids (lol) who were sent to a remote planet to raise some atheist babies after they lost a war to the fanatically religious Sol worshippers.
Issue 16
Hey all! I'm officially 1 week into my 6 week sabbatical, and so far doing absolutely nothing is everything I thought it could be. Over the last week, the little dude went to skateboarding camp and absolutely loved it, the teen went to cheerleading hell week and did great, Jen did a bunch of dancing and sewing... which left me to figure out what I should be doing. What should my Nothing consist of? So, I'll mostly be recounting the stuff I came up with in this issue.
If you want to talk about anything in here, please reply to this email (or email me at toby@takeo.email if you're reading this on RSS)! I'd love to talk shop.
Shit I'm...
Reading
Budget Culture and the Dave Ramseyfication of Money
This one hit pretty hard. I spent almost 5 years helping build Simple, one of the first Fintech™ Neobanks™ back from 2010-2015. The general premise was to build a checking account that had amazing customer service, a beautiful UI, and built-in Personal Finance Management tools, which basically amounts to... budgeting.
We spent a lot of time building tools to let folks virtually divide their money up into chunks that were dedicated to specific types of spending. Initially, these were savings "goals" since the underlying premise was enabling folks to save up for a specific amount of money over time by moving a small amount every day without them really noticing. That worked pretty well for the cliche purchases like "save for a new computer over the next year" but we quickly learned that people wanted to divide their money up for regularly occurring everyday things like bills and food. AKA budgets.
There has been a big focus on "zero based budgeting" over the years that I think was popularized by Dave Ramsey where you take every dollar of income and allocate it for a specific type of spending when you receive it. Then, as you spend, you decrement that bucket of money and when that bucket runs out, you don't spend any more in that category. Or, if you must, you transfer some money fro a different bucket. It makes a lot of sense and works really well. If anything, it makes you pay attention to your money and put some thought into where you're planning to spend it, even if it doesn't always go to plan.
We made a lot of iterations to the product and made it possible to do this kind of budgeting all in one place if you used our debit card. Lots of people loved it, and some even reported it changing their lives, getting out of debt, saving for homes and weddings, and just having a better relationship with their money overall. It was pretty great.
Naturally, I went all in. Being one of the people designing and building it gave me an immense sense of pride, and even more of a desire to use the shit out of it. I gave talks all over the world about the thinking that went into designing it, and I was a designated instructor for new hires at work, demoing the ins and outs of the product and system by demoing my own personal account.
After I stopped working there, I still used it, but not too long after the company went through another migration of a major system, this time swapping the underlying bank for the one run by the company who acquired us. My account, being one of the earliest and most gnarly, didn't survive the transition. My account wasn't working right and they weren't able to figure out what was wrong. I was about to head out on a family trip and decided I needed a working checking account, so I hastily opened up a an account with Schwab, the place where my stock from work got deposited. I'd heard they had good checking, and it was free if you had a brokerage account. Signing up was fine, I got my account, and I transferred money over in time.
Thus begun the slow losing of my religion.
It wasn't long until I signed up for a credit card with a huge points bonus for signing up. Of course that meant moving most of our spending over to the credit cards to meet the requirement to get the bonus. And once we saw the points add up, it was pretty hard to turn back. Besides, we were responsible enough to pay the card off every month so we wouldn't pay any interest.
And therein lies the rub. Like everything else in this shithole country, the true answer to money problems is... having money.
🇺🇸
From the article:
The budget culture blueprint has been copied over and over by financial experts who think they’ve pinpointed the problem keeping us all poor, from lattes to avocado toast to mindset mistakes. But they all really have just one secret to getting rich quickly: aggressive investing. And you can invest as aggressively as you want with $1 or $5 at a time — tons of apps will help you do it! — but you won’t quit your day job that way. The only sure way to make money is to have money, but no personal finance expert wants to admit their wealth is built on anything other than a solid foundation of hard work and self-control — not their degrees in finance, Ivy League educations, middle class upbringings… or their ability to sell you a fantasy.
The whole sticking to your budget instead of buying avocado trope is pretty much just that – a trope. Something for boomers to say to get around the fact that they sucked the host dry and left their kids with nothing. All the budgeting and investing apps in the world can help folks get a little bit ahead, know where their money is, maybe even get out of crushing debt. But it's all a bunch of band aids on top of a gushing wound.
After I stopped using Simple with the baked in budgeting I tried out YNAB. They're kind of the gold standard in the zero-based budgeting space, and they've basically formed a cult. People are fans, not customers. And the system is pretty good. I stuck to it for a while, but as I made and accumulated more money... I just kind of stopped using it. Why? I guess because I stopped being poor. I worked for a few companies that got acquired and gave me a bit of a cushion. Then I took a job with a company that was public and had a big rise in stock price over the years. Sure I worked hard etc, but a lot of it was just luck and timing and, of course, privilege.
As the author states:
But I’ve stopped giving financial literacy the credit, because I know the real reason my finances are “healthier” now: I have more money. I took a job with a salary that quadrupled my income, and voila — I became a lot more “responsible” with money.
Having money makes the problem much less of a problem. Sure, you still have to be responsible, save, keep track, blah blah... but all that is made a lot easier when you don't have to worry about it.
The game is pretty much rigged. A recent twitter thread came up about people who used to work and/or used Simple trying to find a bank that could provide the same set of features and budgeting. My contribution to the conversation? Give up and just get a regular ass checking account with Schwab like I did. Why? Because it's a really good checking account, much better than what we could have ever done with Simple. Sure, there's no budgeting features, the UI is dogshit... but it does everything you need from checking – super high limits and spending ability, free ATM rebates, reliable. And boring. Which is fine when it comes to a checking account. All the Fintech Startup Banks have really cool features, but the underlying banks are just... bad. They can't feature their way out of you not being able to transfer enough money to make a down payment to make a big purchase like a down payment on a house.
The only problem? Well, Schwab gives you this great checking account for free... if you have a brokerage account. Who has brokerage accounts? People with money. Who gets the shitty checking accounts with cool features for budgeting so you can pull yourself up by your bootstraps? People without money.
Fighting budget culture means remaking the world in a way that lets everyone experience the ease of being “rich,” regardless of the numbers in their bank account.
If people who didn't have a lot of money could get checking accounts that Just Work and also provided the tools for helping them make sure they've allocated for all their upcoming bills and spending, it would be a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, the incentive structure is pretty much upside down. The people with the money get the good checking as a loss leader with the assumption that they'll pay a bunch of fees pretending they're Gordon Gekko trading stocks. Meanwhile folks who don't have stocks (yet) get super low limits, long waits on deposits, a bunch of hoops to jump through when they finally save up for a small down payment... all because the companies providing the services can't make much money off of interchange, and have to deal with a bunch of fraudulent bad apples who take advantage of the massive growth targets these startup banks have in order to pay off their VC loansharks.
I don't really know what the answer is.
Listening
Ted posted a Youtube video to the group text that was titled "Doomer Jazz." The cover image was a meme drawing of a guy driving a NYC taxi with a thick 5 o'clock shadow, sunglasses, and a fedora smoking a cigarette. I was intrigued.
As soon as I hit play I instantly got it. Dark, moody, noir jazz that you expect from movies or video games. It's super cliché and I'm sure The Kids started putting these playlists together as a new meme to make fun of Olds, but I don't care, it rules.
Laughing
Petting
Around 7 years ago we got a cat. She was our first family pet. Due to allergies, we've never gotten any animals besides some fish and frogs.
In our old neighborhood there were a couple cats that would cruise around that looked like little leopards with tons of cool spots in their fur. I looked up what kind of cats they were and saw that they were bengals. When I was looking them up I found out that bengal cats were one of the more hypoallergenic cat breeds due to their fur being more like a pelt, which I didn't even know was a thing. We decided to get one.
I found one on craigslist or ebay classifieds. We went to go check it out and as soon as we saw her we knew we were going to get her. Her owners were a small family with two little girls who said they were being relocated to Hawaii and they couldn't take her along. I went back later that night to pick her up.
We named her Pigwidgeon and we love her to death. Sure, she's destroyed something like 2 couches and 3 chairs by peeing on them over the years, but she's so dang cute she gets away with it:
This year for her birthday Jen wanted another cat. Since the allergies worked out pretty well with Pig it had to be another bengal. This time, though, we wanted a kitten.
I know, I know, you're not supposed to get kittens, let alone a Designer kitten since there are so many cats out there looking for adoption. But, while we love Piggy to death, she's a bit... quirky. Getting a second hand, thrifted cat was great and we were glad to give her a loving home when her original family couldn't any longer, but we wanted to try our hand at raising a kitten. So, here's Churro:
He's ridiculous. I wasn't prepared for how soft he is or his tiny little meows. We're still trying to get through the phase of Pig hissing at him every time she sees him, but she's getting better. So far he's a great little dude.
Doing
All right, so I've been needing a hobby. Since our first kiddo was born 15 years ago my hobby has pretty much just been ... work. Since we moved to Portland in 2011 Jen has had synchronized swimming, and lately she's also been doing a ton of dance workout stuff. As in, every day for hours at a time. Sure, I've been drawing, but I wanted to get out and do something, and sabbatical was a perfect time to find that thing.
Playing Music
I've made a few half-hearted attempts at being in a band again, but that of course depends on other people, and we all know how that goes. A few years ago I found a bass player on craigslist and we clicked pretty well, but for the life of us couldn't write any actual songs. Lots and lots of weird/fun riffs, but no real songs. Our search for a guitar player went on and on and we finally found a guy. We still had trouble putting songs together, though.
And, then, Covid. Playing music in person was of course off the table. I recorded a song remotely with my friend Justin, which was super fun, but it isn't the same. The bass player guy disappeared, and I jammed with the guitar player a couple times after the vaccine, but it didn't go anywhere.
So, back to craigslist. I found a couple guys who wanted to play some metal, and we hit it off. We played together for a few months but the bass player was always traveling and was in another "real" band, and then the guitar player decided to move to San Diego. Welp.
Craigslist. Again.
This time I responded to two ads. One was for a band called Beast Mountain that is a stoner metal type band. Definitely right up my alley. The other was for one called Rival Sharpe that is more of a singer-songwriter type of thing. Not necessarily the metal I was looking for, but something I'd enjoy playing. Beast Mountain got back to me and asked if I wanted to meet up for some beers. When I got there I recognized the guy... from the other band. I wondered if I mixed up the replies or something? Turns out he's the main guy behind both bands. We talked shop and it also turned out he recognized me because he was one of the guitar players who tried out for the bass player guy and I back in the day who was unceremoniously rejected (by the bass player, in my defense). They were also meeting with a potential keyboard player, so we all set out to get together to play soon to see how things go between us. That practice went great and we were in.
The next day the guy texted me saying the drummer they had lined up to try out for the other band before me bailed on meeting up because it was "too hot to load his drums into his car" and asked if I wanted to try out for them too.
Sure, why not.
Played with them and it went great as well. So, now I'm in two bands.
Getting Outside, As Nerdily As Possible
Being in a couple bands is great, but that's pretty much limited to a couple hours of practice two nights a week. And, as mentioned, it relies on a whole bunch of other people to be successful. I needed something else that was entirely in my control that I could do whenever I wanted.
Matt, the bass player in the more mellow band posted a video he made in the group text that was about something called the NW Electric Fest. I figured it was something about music, but it turned out to be about ... electric skateboards. You know those skateboards with one fat tire in the middle you sometimes see people riding around on? Those things.
That sparked some memories I had of some of my friends getting onewheels. I was always intrigued by them because it was like skateboarding, which I spent most of my youth doing every day, except ... nerdy. Basically a skateboard version of a Segway. It also seemed challenging. It got the wheels (wheel?) turning in my head: this could be what I've been looking for.
I texted the band dude a bunch of questions about it and he told me I should just go for the top of the line model if I was going to get one at all, and by the way, they also have a weekly ride every Friday night where up to 200 people riding electric things take over a bunch of Portland streets, like a Critical Mass of dorks. I was in.
The next day I went to Gorge Performance and picked a onewheel GT up. I spent the next day trying to learn how to ride it. Appropriately, I had just dropped the little dude off at skate camp and the closest area that looked good was... the Lone Fir Pioneer Cemetery. It took a while but after a few attempts and a bunch of scratches in my brand new board I was able to ride around the paths for a couple hours, unsuccessfully looking for the grave of the original owner of our house.
While I was able to ride, I wasn't sure about going on an 11 mile ride through the streets of Portland with 100 other riders though. I rode as much as possible on wednesday and thursday and decided to give it a try. I showed up to OMSI and parked next to a dude who was there for the ride as well. Turns out he is OG and had like 6000 miles on his boards. He gave me a beer and rode in to the meeting spot. It was an early indication of how friendly the scene was. As we got to the meeting area I started to get a feel for the magnitude of the squad. Tons of people tooling around on nerdy devices. Lots of stereotypical outcast types of folks. Lots of music. I found the guy from my band and he immediately started introducing me to a whole bunch of folks. I'm normally a bit of an introvert when it comes to these types of situations, so it was nice having someone there to break the ice for me.
We set off and I was definitely nervous. These folks had been doing this every Friday for a year or two now, and I was on my third day of riding. Asking how many miles you had on your board was a pretty common question and I was like "... 32". Thankfully, though, I was able to hang. There was a wide variety of paces that folks were going and I was riding along just fine. We went all throughout the waterfront area, crossed some bridges and stopped at a fountain at the end of the first leg:
We continued on to the Lucky Labrador brewery for food and drinks. Matt introduced me to his girlfriend, who he had mentioned was also into a bunch of weirdo metal. We hit it off immediately and talked shop the whole time we were there. By the time we set off for the final leg of the trip it was dark. We rolled out and took over some more streets:
That night pretty much cemented things. A thriving scene, a regular ride, and a bunch of nice people excited to have another person into the sport on top of it being something I can do on my own whenever I want is a perfect combo.
Now that I had the bug, what I really wanted to try was some trail riding. As a skater I was pretty much 100% street, focusing on tricks and technicality. But now, as an Old, I'm much more interested in just getting outside and riding. We've lived in Portland for almost 12 years now and I've just never been really interested in all the outdoorsy stuff. The whole cliché of everyone being obsessed with hiking has totally escaped me.
But, now, though...
Now, I want to go out and explore every park within driving distance with mountain biking trails. I headed out to Hood River yesterday to check out a place with a ton of biking trails for the first time in my life and it was amazing. Beautiful surroundings, a huge variety of trails for varying skill levels, and not a ton of people crowding things. It ruled.
Naturally, the trails were way above my pay grade. But, I managed to make it through the loop a couple times with only one crash and a badly bruised foot that has given me a limp and will likely keep me out of commission for the next couple days. I'm counting the minutes until I can get back out there.
Issue 15
Another late one. I just started a six week sabbatical so my schedule is a bit off. I'm still going to try to post weekly, but the day might shift as I (hopefully) lose track of what day it even is.
If you want to talk about anything in here, please reply to this email (or email me at toby@takeo.email if you're reading this on RSS)! I'd love to talk shop.
Shit I'm...
Wearing
While we were in California a few weeks ago I bought some dad shoes:
After many years of flat bottom shoes, these things feel like clouds. Broke em in at Disneyland and they performed flawlessly.
Playing
I responded to a couple Craiglist posts looking for drummers a couple weeks ago since they guys I was playing with are moving and/or in Real Bands. Turned out both ads were for the two different bands the main guitar player / songwriter are in. The first band was a heavy stonerish type of band. That initial practice went pretty well, as that stuff is definitely in my wheelhouse. The other band has another person lined up to try out but it turned out he said he didn't want to come over because it was "too hot out to load my drums", so I played with that crew as well. It's more singer/songwriter stuff which I'm pretty comfortable with after playing for a church band for like 7 years. They did have a song with the (apparently) standard Country Shuffle beat that I could not do for the life of me. But they still want me to come back so that's cool. I guess I'm learning the country beat.
Laughing at
I’m an anesthesiologist. The best story was something a 40-something-year-old woman for an appendectomy said while I’m giving the propofol to induce anesthesia. She slurred, 'Oh, I don’t remember it tasting like that before.' I said, 'What does it taste like?' since propofol doesn’t usually elicit a taste reaction. She yelled 'DEEEZ NUTS,' and was promptly under anesthesia thereafter
Beautiful. From some buzzfeed listicle.
Reading: Californians and other Americans are flooding Mexico City. Some locals want them to go home.
With the US being an absolute tire fire, the resurgence in hypothesizing about where to move when things get really bad has hit high gear, and Mexico has become a lot more of an option than in the past. The typical escape to Canada seems to have lost some of its luster as prices there have gotten expensive and they're not too eager to let a whole bunch of Americans in. So, Mexico City it is, apparently.
My family is mostly Mexican, with multiple generations native to Southern California, and northern Sonora before that. When I was a kid, my grandparents lived in Álamos for 15 years or something like that while they set up a church school of some sort. We used to go down there for Christmas every other year or so. Their house was huge since it was a sort of dorm for a lot of the students, and it was beautiful. I remember it being a bit strange, though, since my friend I'd play with directly next door lived in a kind of converted shed or warehouse type place with dirt floors. I was only around 6 or 7 so I didn't think too much of it. We went a couple more times before my grandparents donated the house to the school and moved back to CA.
Apparently that city was a popular destination for expats to land for cheap luxury retirement, though somewhat under the radar. Looking back it makes sense, as we visited a few old white people in big villa type places. It definitely seems like it was a nice place to settle down.
Fast forward almost 40 years and Covid has made being a Digital Nomad™ the in thing. Take your laptop anywhere with a wifi signal and you can live like a king. I'm not gonna lie, it sounds pretty awesome, especially after the inevitable Trump/De Santis victory in 2024. But I dunno. When it comes down to it, Portland and Oregon in general will continue to be a nice place to live (well, unless the whole "Portland is Sodom and Gomorrah" bullshit persists and the Proud Shirts continue to try to get some air time on Fox. which... of course they will), and articles like this remind me of the flip side to the cost of taking advantage of a place like Mexico City being "cheap" for Americans and too expensive for the locals. And, even though our family is mostly Mexican, which I feel would kinda justify a family like ours posting up, our generation was the one that had parents who didn't teach their kids Spanish, so we'd be burdening folks with English until we learned enough to get by.
Also, seeing a bunch of American tourists going around on fucking Taco Tours sounds pretty unbearable.
Anyway, this type of pondering is only going to get more and more important as things get worse and worse here. Not too sure what to do.
Reading: For 50 Years, the Zodiac Killer’s 340 Cipher Stumped the FBI—Then Three Amateurs Cracked the Code - Popular Mechanics
Apparently the Zodiac cipher was cracked? Pretty interesting read about how the people did it. The message itself has some Al Capone Vaults vibes, though.
Learning
I wasn't aware of the La Menina painting by Diego Velázquez but it's pretty intriguing.
Listening: The First Transformers Theme Was WILDLY Confusing
This is pretty rad. Apparently the original Transformers cartoon theme song was some sort of prog masterpiece with a time signature that would make Dillinger Escape Plan shake their heads in confusion.
Issue 10
I grew up in socal, going to high school from 1990 - 1994. I was a skater and I got into straight edge and hardcore right around then. It was a fertile scene, following the era of the Reagan and Bush 80s, and people were still pissed. The Moral Majority and all that shit were just winding down after claiming a complete victory, with Falwell spiking the football and declaring “Our goal has been achieved…The religious right is solidly in place and … religious conservatives in America are now in for the duration.”
The hardcore scene was a respite from all of that. It was ugly, visceral music with kids screaming about vegetarianism/veganism, the perils of drugs and alcohol, the oppression from cops, politicians, and religion, and the need for equality for all sexes and races. It felt super subversive to me after growing up in such a conservative environment, but it also felt right. It made sense. And it helped shape me.
Bands like Born Against were a revelation. Just the name itself felt dangerous. Like I had to hide it. But it clicked. And everything they were about, 30 years later, is just as relevant as ever. Here’s Mary and Child from the incredible Nine Patriotic Hymns For Children album:
Once again the battle field is your body and those who want control have laid down their terms in black & white and red all over
they keep the backstreet butchers in business as advertised from a bullhorn and the all knowing man has set up his make-believe graveyard with tiny white crosses for millions of make-believe souls
someday I’d like to see a cross set up for a real live human being who bled to death to maintain the sanctity of mary
mary & child scream the bigots who couldn’t care less about human life
obey their self-righteous lies while your sisters & daughters die
all decisions are final
your body is forbidden
When I was a young teen, I couldn’t really absorb this type of song. I didn’t really know what was happening with the abortion culture wars. But here, 30 years later in the year of our lord 2022… well.
I have somewhat mixed feelings about hardcore and these types of bands/songs. On one hand, it’s mostly a bunch of young white men screaming about stuff that isn’t really their burden to bear. It was somewhat performative at the time, a bunch of privileged rich kids preaching about things they would never experience because that’s what you were “supposed” to do in the scene. But, on the other hand, I’m glad they were singing about these issues instead of about getting drunk or chasing girls or whatever. It opened my eyes to things that were, and continue to be, injustices in this fucked up country and world. It planted seeds.
It’s also indicative that this scene, which was largely focused on social justice, not getting fucked up, animal rights, equality, etc. was a tiny niche subculture. Caring about this stuff was for the weirdos.
Another band that impacted me from that time was called CAMPAIgN, which I stumbled across at some shows in Claremont in like 1993. We drove down on halloween to see Econochrist, Outspoken, and Heroin. Outspoken no-showed, but we got there on time to see CAMPAIgN open. They were 4 random looking dudes. The singer was from new york, but going to Claremont for college. The bass player was Egg (the Process singer), and the drummer looked like Freddy Mercury.
They started playing and it was an immediate Holy Shit moment. At that time, it was expected that bands would “go off” while playing. Flailing, falling on the ground, etc. But these guys took it to a whole other level. It was one of the most intense sets I’ve ever seen. You could tell they meant it. And the music was incredible, perfectly capturing the ugliness and complexity and dissonance that resonated so deeply with me.
They played a pretty short set, but ended with a song called Becky Bell. It was an epic 4 1/2 minute song of pure emotion and fury. 4 1/2 minutes doesn’t sound long, but when it’s a continuous buzzsawing of your ears with sheer intensity, and every other song of the night clocks in at 1:30, it hits super hard.
A few months later we found their 7" in the record store and promptly bought it. It even turned out that the photo on the back was from the show we were at, and we were in it:
Check out those pants.
The 7" is fucking great. The songs are about veganism, cigarettes, questioning the feelings of futility we have against the system, and abortion.The abortion song is a painful essay and tribute to Becky Bell, a child who died in 1988 because her state of Indiana required parental permission to have an abortion. She was too afraid of telling her parents, and didn’t want to try for an exemption from a judge out of fear her parents would still find out. She ended up dying from septic abortion complicated by pneumonia after having an illegal procedure that got infected.
Paradoxically, as stated in this documentary clip, the better and more open a child’s relationship is with their parents, there can be even more chance to hide things like an unwanted pregnancy out of the desire to not let your parents down. This is something I can relate to. I was always The Good Kid™ but, like any human, did stupid shit and made plenty of mistakes. I can’t even imagine being presented with the situation of unwanted pregnancy as a young woman. I can 100% understand doing anything possible to hide something as stigmatized as fucking up and getting pregnant at 17 to my conservative evangelical family. “Luckily” I’m not a woman. I will never be faced with this type of decision.
And here we are, 30 fucking years after this song was written, and we’ve just been slammed into a massively worse situation. We’re no longer dealing with parental consent, but access at all in most of the states in this ridiculous country. So it won’t just be under 18 children seeking out alternatives, but all women. And while people have made the valid point that this is purely class warfare since rich people will always be able to get their daughters/wives/mistresses an abortion, the story of Becky Bell shows that it goes even deeper and the stigmatization means many will not even let the people who would be able to get them out of their state know. They will instead take pills, go to underground clinics, try random methods they find online. And some of them will die. And some of those who die will be the children of the people who have forced all of this through. Will that lead to any change? If the daily mass shootings and children dying in schools is any indicator, no. The dedication to death and suffering is the whole point.
BECKY BELL
WE ALL SEEM TO THINK THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER
IF THE RIGHTS OF A CHILD ARE LESS THAN SACRED
THIS CHILD NEEDS TO GROW WITHOUT FEAR OF DEATH
BUT IN THIS WORLD THERE’S NO CHANCE OF THAT
OUR CHILDREN ARE DYING… AND WE DON’T CARE
WOMEN ARE DYING… AND WE DON’T CARE
THERE’S A FORCE ON THE STREET IN THE CHURCH AND THE COURT
AND THEY’RE MAKING THEIR INTENTIONS PAINFULLY CLEAR
MORALITY COMES BEFORE THE LIFE OF A CHILD
AND THE ONLY DEATH THAT MATTERS IS THAT UNBORN
FUNDAMENTAL HYPOCRISY…
YOU THINK YOU CAN FORCE MORALITY ON US WITH LAWS
WHEN THE LAWS YOU ENACT END UP KILLING MORE THAN THEY SAVE
AND YOU TURN THE OTHER WAY AS CHILDREN GO WITHOUT HOMES
IN THE END YOUR CRUSADE IS FUNDAMENTALLY DIS-SERVED
COLD GLOSSY PICTURES PAINT THE GROTESQUE
BUT WE NEVER KNOW THE TRUTHS OF WHAT THEY ARE
A TRAGIC MISCARRIAGE PORTRAYED AS A FETUS
AND A FAITH-DRIVEN MOB ACCEPTS THE MYTH
I KNOW WHY YOU DO IT
MAYBE YOU DON’T SEE
IT’S DISPLACED GUILT FOR A LOVE STARVED WORLD
SO YOUR VISION IS FAILING AND YOUR VAIN ATTEMPT
IS TO RECLAIM MORALITY WITH A SINGLE STANCE
AND THE REAL GOAL HERE’S NOT TO SAVE A LIFE
BUT TO PUSH YOUR ETHICS ON A HEATHEN MASS
AND IF YOUR FAITH’S SO STRONG
WHY DO YOU NEED TO CONVINCE WITH VIOLENT FORCE AND NOT BELIEF?
AND WHAT REALLY HAPPENS WE DON’T ALL HEAR
BUT WOMEN HAVE DIED FOR YOUR THOUGHTLESS “CARE”
AS WE HEAR IT ITS A RIGHT BUT ITS FADING FAST
AND THE WORD OF LAW DOESN’T GUARANTEE A THING
YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW SOMEONE’S ALREADY DIED BECAUSE AN INDIANA
LAW SAYS A MINOR’S A CHILD INCAPABLE OF MAKING THE DECISION HERSELF AND COMPLETELY AT THE MERCY OF HER PARENTS' MORALS
OUR CHILDREN ARE DYING… AND WE DON’T CARE
WOMEN ARE DYING… AND WE DON’T CARE
WHAT SEEMS AT FIRST AS CLEAR IS OBSCURED BY BLOOD
BECKY BELL DIED AT THE HANDS OF A BUTCHER
BECAUSE SHE WAS AFRAID TO CONFRONT HER PARENTS
BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO YOUNG TO BE GIVEN HER RIGHTS
FUNDAMENTAL HYPOCRISY…
SO ALL OF OUR DEBATE AND PROTEST SEEMS SAFE AND CLEAN
BUT FOR MANY THE CONTROVERSY’S MUCH CLOSER TO HOME
AND COLD LAWS DON’T FIND A PLACE IN THE WARMTH OF THE FAMILY
THERE WILL BE A FEW LESS MEMBERS HOME IN SOME STATES THIS YEAR
IT’S HAPPENED
OUR LAWS HAVE KILLED
Issue 4
I haven’t seen most of my family for three years now because of covid and all that. It sucks. I’m originally form southern california, have a pretty huge family, and am the only one who has moved away. Portland isn’t that far, but it’s far enough that it means we don’t see each other often. Throw in a pandemic and vaccinations and all that and it makes things 10 times harder.
My brother recently bought some property in southern Utah, in Kanab to be precise. I’ve never really been to see any of the cool stuff down there. He told me a while back that they were going to be going to an Airbnb with his family and my mom and dad and that we should try to come out. The kiddos are in school and I planned on driving anyways, so this was destined to be a solo trip. No way was I going to try to take a kid on a 24 hour cannonball run.
I made the drive, leaving this last Tuesday at around noon. After hitting up a ton of superchargers on the way and taking a 3 hour nap from like 2-5am somewhere in Idaho, I got there around 12:30. My parents didn’t know I was going, so it was a really fun surprise.
We had a great time going out and doing all the rad stuff southern Utah has to offer. Off-roading, caves, sand dunes, slot canyons. It was awesome to see my brother and sister in law, my little nephews who call me Uncle Slime, and, of course, my parents. It was a pretty great Mother’s Day. Can’t wait to go back with the whole fam.
Shit I’m…
Reading
The Sandman I and II Audiobooks
Yeah yeah, audiobooks aren’t really reading, and this is a comic book (ackshully, it’s graphic novel 🤓), but I drove about 40 hours this week going from Portland to Kanab, UT and back, and this was perfect for the drive.
I didn’t really know anything about the Sandman series, but I’d always heard good things from back in the day, and it seemed like it had a cool goth vibe. I had an Audible membership for a couple years where you get 12 credits per year to get any of their audiobooks. Seems easy, but it always ended up being one of those things where I didn’t want to “waste” the credits and I overthought my selections until it got to the point where I had to use up like 7 credits in 2 days before they expired. That’s what happened last year, and among a bunch of other random stuff, I snagged the 2 Sandman productions they did.
Turns out they rule.
When I set out on the first leg of the trip to Utah I put on the Dune audiobook that I had grabbed a while back. I tried getting into it a couple times while taking walks but I never got past the first 30 minutes or so. I don’t know, something about it just kinda bugged me. It felt… kinda cheesy? But, it’s supposed to be great and I wanted to read/listen to the book before seeing the movie. This trip felt like It Was Time.
I couldn’t get past the first 30 minutes again.
I know, I’m probably just not sophisticated/smart enough to get it, but I tried. Maybe someday.
So, I put on the Sandman stuff instead. They’re long as hell too, with series I clocking in at 11 hours, and series II at almost 14 hours. Enough to fill up a lot of the drive.
The production is pretty great. I think Audible was trying to make this one of their flagship exclusive productions, and they went all out. Neil Gaiman narrates it himself, and there’s a huge cast of voice actors for all the characters. And there are lots of characters. The stories are really fun, intertwined, and varied enough to not get monotonous. The voice actors are laying it on pretty thick, but I think it works. It’s much more like an old radio serial than something like Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter. Some people complain about it in the reviews, but they’re probably boring pedants.
If you have 25 hours to kill, you could do a lot worse than these.
Using
Convusic — I’m an Apple Music user. I have the whole Apple one bundle thing, and it’s a pretty good deal. It works on my HomePods, is native to my devices, works great in CarPlay, etc. etc. Also, for whatever reason, a lot of my close friends use it as well, which means we can easily share links and I get to discover new stuff by seeing what they’ve been listening to.
Of course, though, this is an anomaly and everyone else in the world uses Spotify for whatever reason. I’ve never forgiven Spotify for putting Rdio out of business even though it was vastly superior, and for not supporting saving full albums to your library without making playlists out of them. Come on, man.
Yeah, I know it hasn’t been like that for years, and their music discovery playlist thing is “better” etc. I don’t like it.
Thankfully something like Convusic exists. It’s a Safari extension (yeah, I also use Safari, fuck Chrome). It’s an extension that lets you register what your preferred music streaming service is and then it translates links to crappy services to the one you like. Now I can click on music links in messages or slack or wherever and get forwarded to the equivalent on Apple Music instead of that open.spotify.com junk.
Wearing
House pants
One of the cool things about doing the newsletter is hearing from people I haven’t heard from in ages. One such example is an email I received with a subject of “House Pants”. I’d never really given much thought to sweats, etc that we’ve all been wearing as full time remote workers now, but it’s a great point. I have House Shoes, I should have House Pants.
Personally, I’ve been rocking some Icebreaker pants and some made by MeUndies. The Icebreakers are nice. As usual, they’re primarily merino wool, soft on the inside, and well made. I actually wore them on my drive to and from Utah rather than sitting in jeans for that long, and I actually ventured into restaurants and shops in them. I wouldn’t be too comfortable doing that in regular sweats, but these were passable.
The MeUndies ones are interesting. They’re the company with all those bad podcast commercials, which made me never really consider them. But I heard good things about the modal material, so I gave it a shot. The pants are super soft and floppy. They’re really nice for lounging around the house. I wouldn’t wear them outside though.
And the ones Kyle recommended in the House Pants email:
While we’re still on the subject of old man comforts, if you haven’t gotten into house pants yet, I absolutely recommend the Rhone Spar Jogger.
Now that I’m thinking about House Pants as a category, I will likely give those a try as well.
Listening to
Dr. Dre Beats but they’re MEDIEVAL
My friend Ted sent this to me a week or two ago and I’ve been listening to it non-stop. Does what it says on the tin — Dre beats but medieval. Lutes and flutes and zithers and shit. It works. My favorites are probably No Diggity and Gin ‘n Juice feat. Sneuppe Thee Hound.
Seeing
Mastodon, Opeth, Khemmis
Mastodon’s bass player went into covid a mild mannered metal guy and came out as Gandalf the White.
As soon as I saw that Opeth was touring I bought tickets. They’ve been one of my favorite bands for a long time now, and they’re pretty great live. It was really weird that they were playing at the Keller Auditorium. I think that’s where they’ve been doing Hamilton? But whatever, I guess if they can fill it with this tour, cool. Very classy.
Khemmis was pretty good. They do some doomy power metal type stuff. The singer guy had a Spinal Tap haircut. At one point he said “WE’RE KHEMMIS FROM DEN…” and I was hoping for Denmark or something cool, but it was just “VER, COLORADO.”
Opeth ruled. I’m a sucker for the ridiculous 70s prog stuff, but I’ll always love their older death metal cookie monster vocals stuff. Thankfully they’re playing old stuff live again. They ended on a massive riff played for like 8 minutes straight, which is how every metal set should end.
Mastodon headlined. I didn’t realize how big they were now I guess. I was apprehensive because out of the 8 or 9 times I’ve seen them over the years they’ve almost never actually sounded good. I really like their stuff, but it’s never translated well live for me. My band opened for them and High on Fire back in like 2003 where we all played to like 30 people, and they ruled back then. They also had a Mastodong shirt for sale that I guess I could have sold for $80 these days. But seeing them at various places like opening for Dethklok or headlining at the Roseland convinced me they couldn’t really pull it off live once they started doing the cleaner vocals and concept albums.
But, they pulled it off pretty well at this show. I could actually understand what they were playing and the vocals were pretty good. However, at one point the sound started glitching out. It sounded like when an MP3 is playing and Winamp runs out of CPU. They took a brief break claiming there was an electrical outage that needed to be repaired, but I suspect they may be Metal Vanilli.
Drawing
Another Joseph Wyman tintype photo. This one was super hard and I still don’t really like it. Oh well. I posted an initial version because I just wanted to be done with it, and I got some feedback that helped me figure out what wasn’t sitting right. So I went back and did a bunch of revisions. It made it better, but not really how I wanted it. Also, when it’s full size shrunk down it gets super distorted looking, so here’s a detail section.
Learning about
Basically, this is learning by teaching. One of those things that you kind of intuitively stumble across, but having it laid out as a methodology is pretty cool. Explain like I’m five, rubber ducking, public speaking, etc. all seem relatively similar too.
Issue 3
Portland, OR – Portland: ⛅️ +60°F
Shit I’m…
Update: Jen’s 40th birthday was awesome! Here’s me dressed up as a wish.com interview with a vampire type of thing:
And here’s Jen looking fabulous as a moon goddess:
Reading
Personal Socrates – I heard about this from the Bookworm podcast. I was intrigued as it seemed to present an interesting way of thinking about things by providing profiles of folks and then asking relatively simple, yet difficult-to-answer, questions. The format of the book is kinda unique, and I bought the hardcover purposefully to get the Full Experience. It’s published by Baron Fig, which makes a whole bunch of nice journals and pens and whatnot. The podcast mentioned that the hardcover version had a cool feature where each segment’s right hand page indicated how many pages were left. That’s something I love about reading on the Kindle, and it works well in a physical copy as well. In addition to the niceties of the design, it also comes in a hardcover sleeve that also includes a bookmark.
The book isn’t a linear thing, it’s supposed to be a choose your own adventure type of thing where you can look at the section topics and read whatever resonates with you at the moment. Personally, I’ve been just reading them one after the other. Each section is really short, usually 3-5 pages, and start with a bullet list of facts about the person the section is about. Then there’s a short essay about the person and their experiences and a general question that is intended to get you thinking about how you’d answer it in your own life. It’s pretty neat.
Using
Concepts – as mentioned in the last issue, I’ve been checking out a bunch of drawing/painting apps for the ipad and pencil. While Procreate is definitely the king of the hill when it comes to “natural” media emulation and community, Concepts is worth a look and has some really nice advantages.
First off, it’s a vector based app as opposed to pretty much every other painting/sketching app being raster. Event though it’s vector, it does an amazing job of emulating natural media, which is pretty wild. It doesn’t have quite the same feel as something like Procreate, especially when it comes to things like blending and watercolor styles, but for pencil and ink sketching it’s pretty great.
Being vector comes with some pretty subtle but powerful benefits. First off, you don’t really have to worry about the size of things since vectors are inherently scalable. One of the things I don’t particularly like about using Procreate after having started with Concepts is the whole need to have to think about what size canvas you want, and what resolution it should be. Having worked pretty much exclusively on building for the web the last 20 years or so, that’s not really something my brain has had to calculate for a long time. It’s not really that big of a deal, but since I’m using these apps to actually draw things like portraits and whatnot, there’s a chance I might actually want to… print them out 😮 When printing gets involved, then you really have to think about resolution and size and all that.
Along those lines, while Procreate starts out any project with selecting a canvas size and resolution, Concepts has an infinite canvas, which means there’s just a viewport that you can draw on and then simply drag it over to draw some more next to it, pretty much as much as you want. This is pretty freeing. I’ve been using apps like Fireworks, Sketch, and, most recently, Figma to design web app interfaces. All of them have an infinite canvas paradigm as well, where you can have as many screens within the canvas as you want (as well as multiple pages of infinite canvas), and I’ve taken advantage of that to a somewhat absurd degree. For me, designing things is an exercise in constant iteration, making something I’m somewhat happy with and then duplicating it to make some tweaks and improvements over and over and over. It’s not uncommon for me to have a file that has hundreds of variations on one canvas. Heres' an actual image of me designing a website:
Having an infinite canvas in a drawing app is pretty neat, and the vector aspect has some other really cool advantages as well, like being able to just select strokes and delete or resize them without losing quality. It’s also got some weirdness as well, like “erasing” actually just masking the shapes, and a little bit of uncanny valley syndrome when it comes to the natural media. But, it’s also super great if you’re doing more industrial, landscape, or product design oriented stuff.
It also has a pretty unique UI that is optimized for stylus interaction that I miss whenever I use a different app, and a cool color palette system based on those expensive COPIC markers.
Wearing
Heavy ass jeans. Growing up we were pretty damn poor. Most of my childhood, my jeans were of the Toughskins variety if I was lucky, but usually whatever they had at Kmart or thrift stores. In my teens I did the whole ridiculously baggy pants thing when I skated, and that usually meant getting one or two pairs and wearing them every day. As I got older I maybe got stock Levis or Gap jeans. They were always pretty thin and distressed and “relaxed” fit or whatever. I didn’t really care or know any difference.
When I got into my late 30s I decided to maybe think about the clothes I bought a little bit. I had a bit more money, and wanted something higher quality that would last. The whole workwear thing was big and jeans were a Big Thing. I dipped my toes into the water by buying some that cost over $100, which freaked me out. I loved them. The quality was really apparent, they fit way better, and they were made in America 🦅. I was hooked.
So after wearing that first pair to death, I got a pair that was made in Japan (where they do everything better) that were a bit heavier. Something like 17oz instead of 14oz. I liked these even more. Wore the shit out of them. Had to buy a new pair.
I decided to try out the big dogs — the 21 Ouncers. They’re absurdly thick, stiff, and heavy. When you first get them they’re downright silly. But, living in Portland, and growing up mostly wearing pants or jeans even when it was hot socal weather, they’re just right. Like lots of things that are worth it, they have an uncomfortable breaking in period where you question if it’s worth it. But once they break in and conform to your body, they soften up and feel like butter. They’re thick enough that they almost take on a flannel type of texture when they loosen up. And, of course, they last a long time since they’re so well made. They’re expensive, but capable of being worn pretty much every day for super long stretches of time, and when they inevitably get a crotch blowout or whatever, they’re able to be repaired and worn for another long stretch of time.
It took me almost 40 years to learn, but yeah, I guess paying a bit more for better stuff is pretty worth it.
Automating
As I’ve been trying to do the interstitial journaling throughout the day, I’ve landed on a system that seems ok for now. Like I mentioned before, I use Obsidian for all my writing and notes, which I really love. But, as a cross platform Electron app made by two people, it’s not super native feeling on a mac. With the right themes and plugins I’ve been able to make it feel really great. But, it’s still pretty much a single window to type into. After years of using apps like Things that are super tightly integrated into macOS and have quick entry palettes that an be accessed from anywhere, I really wished Obsidian had something like that so I could quickly send off whatever was on my mind at that time and log it into my daily notes page with a timestamp. Yes, I could switch over to Obsidian relatively easily and type it in and then switch back to whatever I was doing, but that really takes me out of the flow and feels kind of counter to the whole idea of interstitial journaling. It’s just enough friction that it would prevent me from doing it at all.
So, I cobbled something together with Drafts and the advanced URI Obsidian plugin. Essentially, all I do is use the cmd-shift-2 quick entry window command for Drafts, which brings up a small window that I can type some markdown into when I want to log something, and then hit cmd-enter to send it off to the Drafts inbox. Then I occasionally go to the Drafts window to see what I’ve logged and then send it off to my Obsidian daily note with a quick action that puts the content of the draft as a timestamped bullet item under a “Rapid Log” header on my daily notes page (get the action here).
It’s not perfect, but it works. I’ll probably try doing it with Raycast at some point too for even faster entry and directly sending it to Obsidian without having to process it later, but this is pretty ok for now.
Listening to
Robert Bray on the “Scream Therapy” podcast — the drummer for The Locust (Gabe Serbian) passed away a few days ago. I’ve never really been into The Locust. I think I was at their first show back in like 1994 at Cafe Mesotopamia. That’s when Dylan from Struggle was in the band, and they had some long hair singing. It was pretty much a Crossed Out tribute at that point and they weren’t wearing costumes and shit. Anyways, Bobby has always played guitar for them. While I was looking around for stuff on them after learning Gabe died I came across this podcast episode he was a guest on. I’ve only listened to this episode, but it’s a really interesting premise of “scream therapy” wherein the act of screaming is a form of getting your anger and frustrations out.
I suppose it’s just primal scream stuff, but I never really thought about it in that way much. Like Bobby, I’ve been in bands that scream for vocals since the mid 90s. It just works with the style of music we always played. Beyond that, though, it’s always been cathartic. Screaming your head off to ultra heavy, pissed off music has always felt natural.
I was always a pretty tightly wound kid. First born of my entire generation of cousins within an evangelical Mexican family, I always had the feeling of responsibility, of being a Good Kid. This of course led to me being straight edge because it mixed being a Good Kid who doesn’t do drugs with heavy music, which I loved since I first heard Metallica in the late 80s.
And a key component of the straight edge music was screaming.
Well, I suppose much of the early days of straight edge hardcore had vocals more along the lines of “aggressively yelling,” but as things got more evolved and extreme, much of the hardcore scene embraced straight up screaming. Rorschach, who is probably my favorite hardcore band of all time, broke things wide open. When I first dropped the needle on their Protestant album and heard Mandible, everything clicked. This is what I’d been looking for.
Now, most folks will listen to that song and be like what the fuck is this guy screaming about and why is the music so ugly sounding? In fact, a Rorschach song was used in Zero Dark Thirty in a scene where they were torturing someone. To me, though, it’s beautiful. Instead of making me angry or aggressive, it energizes me. I could listen to this stuff pretty much any time of day and be into it.
My first Real Band was called Enewetak and we definitely screamed. I even did some backup screams in a few songs, and even did the main vocals on one. I loved it. There was nothing more energizing and liberating than just playing extremely loud and ugly music while we screamed our fucking heads off. And while most folks would assume the shows were super violent and everyone involved was aggressive, it was pretty much the exact opposite. We played shows in tiny coffee shop like venues while people stood around in baggy pants and oversized shirts with their backback on, nodding their heads up and down. Most of the lyrics were entered around vegetarianism, anti-racism, anti-sexism, anti-capitalism, etc.
So yeah. Life is full of paradoxes I guess. Screaming your damn head off as therapy. The shit works.
Cooking
This is another dish I made during that Middle Eastern dinner party we had a while back, and it’s super good. It’s deceptively simple, as it’s just sweet potatoes with garlic sauce, but it’s super good.
Seeing
Like I mentioned in the last issue, no shows coming up until the Opeth and Mastodon show next week. But, I thought I’d go through the archives and see the last show photos I had before the Unprecedented Times of Covid-19. I went to see Blackwater Holylight, Earthless, and Yob show at Bossanova Ballroom in December 2019. It was pretty awesome, of course.
And then I saw Thrice at Roseland on Jan 24, 2020. I guess that was probably the last show I saw before … well, you know.
I’m going to Opeth and Mastodon on Tuesday, so I’ll have a writeup in the next issue!
Drawing
I came across a photographer names Joseph Wyman and instantly fell in love with his work. I’m still getting used to drawing portraits, and high contrast black and white photos are the best for practicing at this stage since it makes the image really pop. He does old school tintype portraits, and they’re all beautiful. I drew this dude with a huge beard and I’m really happy with how it turned out. I’ll definitely be drawing more of his stuff.
Laughing at
Learning about
The Paper app that was (I think) the first really nice natural media style drawing app for the iPad turned 10 years old, and one of the founders wrote a pretty neat history of how it came together.
Watching
Adriano Celentano - Prisencolinensinainciusol – some of you may know that I have a complete inability to understand lyrics when listening to songs with vocals. Like, I can’t understand them at all. I remember being at work when we were trying to determine the most depressing album of all time and someone nominated Beck’s Sea Change. I listened to it and was like what the hell, this isn’t depressing at all, it just sounds like Beck. And someone was like “but didn’t you listen to the lyrics?” and I was like “Ohhhhh.” Vocals are pretty much just another instrument in the soundscape for me, I just can’t discern what they’re actually saying. Maybe I have some sort of auditory processing disorder or something, I dunno. But either way, I got a link to this video from Bob Doto’s High Pony newsletter and I was shocked that I could finally explain to people how all music sounds to me. Also, the song slaps.
Newsletter – Issue 2
Portland, OR – Portland: ☀️ +41°F
Also, today is my wife’s 40th birthday!! I’m extremely lucky to have her in my life, and I love her with all my heart. We’re throwing a big party tomorrow to make up for her 10th birthday 30 years ago that no one showed up to because of the LA riots. Here she is looking super beautiful and cute as heck in her EGL dress while holding a fake raven:
Shit I’m…
Reading
(This turned out much longer than I anticipated, but hopefully you find it worthwhile. Take a seat as Grandpa Toby spins a yarn.)
My current job at Zendesk is kinda unique. I’ve been there around six and a half years, which is the longest I’ve ever been at one place. I was originally hired on due to some interesting circumstances. Back in 2008 or so, I had a side project app I had made called Stafftool that was a web based product for managing churches and non-profits. It was pretty wild. I had been into Ruby on Rails for a year or two at that point and wanted to make something, and when I saw how inefficient the church I played drums at was with scheduling and communicating, I thought “I could fix this with technology.” So I made an app that did calendaring, membership management, group communication, and even donation tracking. I definitely went overboard, but it was super fun and one of those things were I pretty much became obsessed with making it. So many ideas and interface experiments to try out, and I thought I might actually pull off doing this as a full time job at some point. Turns out that takes knowing how to actually sell something, though. Whoops.
Anyways, I didn’t want to have all the support requests and bug reports go into my personal email, and I wanted one of those cool “feedback” tabs on the side. Instead of making all that stuff myself, I initially got GetSatisfaction. They turned out to be this bizarre protection racket thing for support, kinda like Yelp is for reviews. “Everyone is coming to this weird support portal thing thinking it’s the official support place, it’d be a shame if people got bad support here.” Nah. So one day I saw an ad on Daring Fireball for Zendesk and I signed up.
I got it all set up and was happily using it for my customers. Then I got an email from the Zendesk founder asking for some feedback. Turns out I was the only person using it by myself, which confused them since the whole point was using it as a support team. This led to a lot of emails and a kind of friendship around us both running a couple of fledgling Rails SAAS apps. They said they really liked my app, I gave them some quotes for their promo sheets, and they even asked me if I would go work for them. They had just moved to Boston from Copenhagen at the time, and I had no interest in moving there, so I passed.
At the time I was in SF working at Powerset, doing Stafftool on the side, usually working on it from like 8pm-2am. Eventually, Zendesk moved their headquarters into a building right down the street from our apartment. The Zendesk folks contacted me to let me know and invited me to their office warming party that the Tamale Lady (RIP) was catering. Here’s a pic of me holding Pea (who’s now 14) at it:
Not too long after, Powerset got bought by Microsoft. Those were the bad old Ballmer days and no one wanted to work for them. So, everyone was looking for a new job. I worked with Tom from GitHub at Powerset and almost became one of their first employees when he decided to quit and go full time, but their funding fell through and they could only afford to hire Scott. Damn. Then the Zendesk folks hit me up about working there instead of Microsoft. I told them I was interested, but Microsoft was going to pay a pretty hefty retention bonus if I stayed. They said they couldn’t give me a bunch of cash like that, but they could give me a bunch of stock. I was like “why the hell would I care about Zendesk stock” in my head. Whoops. So, like an ass, I stayed at Microsoft.
After a couple years of hating it and learning vim and building laterstars to stay sane, I quit a year early and joined a few friends to help build BankSimple, which went on to become Simple. Being on an amazing founding team and building something that I cared about from the ground up was one of the best professional experiences of my life. I poured my heart and soul into building that shit. I even got to go on a bit of a speaking circuit, traveling all over the world telling people the story of designing it. It was a good time.
But, it had a dark side. My obsession with building stuff got my identity and self-worth a little too wrapped up with this pile of pixels and code. Simple was super overhyped with expectations from nerds that were impossible to meet, but I still ran Twitter searches all the time, ignoring the good stuff and fixating on the negative.
And then, a few years in, our VP of Product quit and I offered to run help product in his absence. One of the pieces of advice he gave me before leaving was to not join the Executive Leadership Team because you spent all your time in meetings that were essentially therapy sessions, and no time actually thinking about, let alone building, product. So I took his advice. I later realized that that all but guaranteed me not being taken seriously.
Eventually, a new VP of Product was hired. No one really understood the reasons for hiring them, but they were married to the CEO’s friend, and, well, sometimes that’s just how it goes. It turned out that we absolutely hated each other. They were 100% Business™, saying shit like “the Product org needs to assert our place and authority in the company” and I was (naively) 100% idealistic about the product, replying “uh, what about building good stuff for our customers,” which went over like a lead balloon. I still loved the product and company, but it was clear this wasn’t going to work out. I was super stressed and despondent over the turn of events.
One day I was at home sitting on the couch watching TV when all of the sudden I thought I was having a heart attack. My chest hurt like hell, feeling super tight, and I didn’t know what the heck was going on. I went into urgent care and it turned out I had shingles on the entire left side of my body. Not cool.
Not long after, I had a meeting with the CEO where I kind of broke down about things. He told me I should take some time off, and I reluctantly agreed. My new boss, the VP of product they had just hired, told me there was “no shame in moving on from things” or some shit like that. I took a month or so off, and I realized I didn’t actually need to work there anymore. It was kind of a revelation after thinking I’d be there for at least 10 years. I resigned before having another job lined up. Simple was super gracious and gave me a nice going away send off and a few weeks of pay.
By chance, Mikkel from Zendesk emailed me asking what I was up to while I was unemployed. One thing led to another, and I ended up finally working for them. They originally wanted to see if I’d be interested in moving back to SF to manage the product design org. After a polite “lol hell no am I moving back to SF,” someone mentioned talking to Alexander, one of the co-founders, who had a side project he’d been working on. I came on board to work with him on that. Luckily, he said I should just stay up in Portland and build a small team here to stay away from the “enterprise bullshit.” Little did I know this would be a pretty pivotal moment.
Ok, I promise this all ties into the book. That decision to let us be a “separate” team set the stage for this whole phase of my career. Some amazing Zendesk engineers were already working on it, and I hired a few more great folks and we worked on the project in relative peace. I still had to give status updates and at one point was made a General Manager when the company split things into product lines, but for the most part we were kinda living the “startup within a big company” lifestyle. I was doing all the design work myself, all the product stuff, talking to customers, putting decks together, and my team was a self-contained unit of engineers, whereas the rest of the company operated in a much more vertically siloed manner. Engineers reported up to the engineering org, designers were part of a completely separate org, and product was it’s own thing as well.
We have always been viewed as the Weird Team up in Portland doing who-knows-what. For a long time we had the protection of the co-founder, but like most co-founder side projects, it ended up in failure. Luckily, instead of canning us all and calling it a day, the head of product told us to think of something else to work on that would contribute to the main product’s bottom line. We were on the hook for $1M in recurring revenue within a year.
We ended up building a an add-on product that took some of the learning from the failed side project and ended up generating something like $3M that first year. We earned a little bit of capital by pulling that off, and for the next few years were pretty much left alone to keep growing that product. By last count, it was up to around $38M.
Ok, so that was pretty great! We pulled it off! But, along the way, there’s been a constant tension in the back of my mind about My Career Path. In 6 years I’ve gotten one promotion, and that was kind of a perfunctory thing around the whole GM structure as far as I know. My team has hovered around ~5 people the whole time, while most of my peers have put tons of effort into growing their team and, by extension, influence. I’m quite a bit older than most of my peers, and many of them have “caught up” to my equivalent position while I’ve, by most accounts, stagnated.
And you know what? I’m kind of fine with it.
By all accounts, I have carved out a pretty incredible life. Relative autonomy at work, an amazing family, more money than I ever dreamed of having when I was younger. But more importantly, I’ve mostly managed to separate my identity and self-worth from my job. Sure, I like it, and I get satisfaction from making things and having a great team. But I’ve made peace with a less traditional career path than a normal corporate ladder climb, and have instead made it my goal to keep the good thing we’ve got going as long as we can, while shielding my crew from the Enterprise Bullshit.
And that’s what this book is about.
While talking to a colleague who recently came back to the company after taking a year off to be unemployed and just live, we went pretty deep into our whole situation. He asked if I had read Orbiting the Giant Hairball. I said I hadn’t, and I ordered it as soon as I got home that night. They didn’t have a kindle version at the time (they do now, apparently) so I ordered the hardcover. I’m super glad I did. I’m a die hard ebook reader, dating back to reading shit on my Palm Pilot in the early 2000s, but this is definitely a book worth having a physical copy. A perfect small size and peppered with tons of whimsical full color illustrations throughout the funky layout, it’s more like a poetry book than a Serious Business Book.
I dove in and was immediately struck by how much I related to everything he was saying. As proof that there’s truly nothing new under the sun, this book was written in the 90s by a total hippy dude who worked at Hallmark for 30 years. On paper, that type of job couldn’t be further from a person working a 2022 tech job, and yet it’s all the same shit. All of it.
The tl;dr of the book is right there in the title. Early on he makes the analogy that companies of any size eventually turn into a giant tangled ball of hair, twisted around themselves to try to stick to and recreate any successes they’ve had in the past. More people get added to the mix in the name of growth, and just add more hair to the ball. And, like any hairball, the bigger it gets, the grosser it is.
And his solution is to extricate yourself from that hairball and orbit around it, finding the things that you connect with most that align with the organization’s goals, but don’t require you to get deep into the muck.
Without knowing it, I had been blindly trying to do what he laid out in the book, but without the 30 years of hindsight to articulate it. The thing that’s funny is that I now have a sense of comfort in knowing that this is Just The Way Things Are for the most part. Businesses gonna business, humans gonna human. Same shit, different day.
I’ve recommended the book to a few friends over the past month or so when I see them going through a similar arc. I was recently talking to a younger colleague at work who’s partnered up with my team on a relatively juicy project. It’s gone through the full course of corporate shenanigans, and is a prime example of the whole hairball thing in real time. As we were talking, I explained how I have pretty much been the same level with the same sized team for six and a half years, and they were wondering why I’m still there. And I was like, you know, all things considered, it’s a pretty damn good gig. I have a tight knit team who has, for the most part, been with me the entire time, and we are left alone enough that we can do good work that contributes to the company in, in my humble opinion, an outsized manner. I can do a day’s work and not have to put in crazy hours or be consumed by it at all times of day. I’ve witnessed a bunch of colleagues chasing bigger teams and bigger titles, and, you know what? I’m good. If I can keep things going, essentially treating it like a puzzle to figure out how to keep our autonomy while contributing to the ever-growing company, I can’t really ask for much more.
I recommended the book to them. A few days later we were chatting and they remarked that, after reading much of the book, everything we were talking about before made a lot more sense. They asked how long ago I read it, and I told them “oh, a month or two” and they were shocked. They were under the impression that I read it a super long time ago and had consciously shaped my whole tenure there trying to accomplish the same arc. But nope, I’ve just been stumbling along, happening to land on a path very similar to what folks like him figured out countless times before me.
So, yeah. If you’ve actually read this far and any of that resonated with you, I heartily recommend this book. Attempting any type of orbit can be scary and a bit dangerous, but once you experience the weightlessness of it, there’s no going back.
Using
Procreate
When I started drawing again, I tried out a bunch of different apps. I was kinda shocked at how good the whole iPad/Pencil drawing ecosystem is. The main apps I landed on were Concepts, Tayasui Sketch, and Procreate. They’re all really great. I’ll probably talk about Concepts in the next issue, but Procreate is definitely the Big Dogg. On the surface it seemed pretty standard, not all that different from the others. I remember buying it ages ago when it first came out, but only did a few scribbles. In the intervening 10 years it’s become a damn powerhouse that apparently dominates the whole digital art space. It took watching this Procreate for absolute beginners Skillshare class by Molly Suber Thorpe (get both of us a free month of Skillshare here, it’s pretty great). Watching this made me realize it’s not just a Photoshop clone, but a drawing/painting app built from the ground up for touch interfaces, and it really shows. Tons of thoughtful features and interactions, way more power than I’ll ever use, and a vibrant community of people making new classes, brushes, textures, and kits for it. I got the Sketchbook Artist Bundle and it’s pretty great. So yeah, if you have any interest in drawing on your iPad, get Procreate (only $10 and no bullshit subscription) and do it!
Readwise Reader
I’ve been lucky enough to be a beta tester for this, and got damn is it great. I built a read later app back in 2010 called laterstars that was built on top of pulling links out of twitter faves, and Readwise Reader definitely feels like the spiritual successor to it – tons of keyboard shortcuts, an inbox/archive workflow, extracted articles, etc. It goes way beyond what I did, though, with ambitions to be a one-stop shop for anything you’d like to read and highlight. It’s really quite incredible.
And, it’s of course built on top of the core Readwise service for aggregating your highlights from all across the web, which makes it super easy to save things for spaced repetition and getting things into Obsidian, etc. I can’t show you anything yet or give many details, but believe me when I say these folks are really onto something. Sign up here for a free month!
Wearing
Icebreaker socks are the absolute best socks I have ever worn. I know I’m old because I’m raving about socks, but hear me out. I have gone through the entire arc of sock wearing over my lifetime. Starting out as a kid with the 70s/80s calf-high striped ones, to rando white ones for many many years, to black socks when I was told white socks were not cool, to a whole variety in middle age. There was a time when I wanted to get rid of all my socks and get a shit ton of the same exact ones so I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore. Jen ordered me a whole bunch as a gift at one point, multiple packs of the same socks. It was beautiful. But, wouldn’t you know it, even though she ordered all the same stuff, they were still slightly different from pack to pack. There was no winning.
So, after that experience, I drifted back to more “creative” socks over the years, as the designs got nicer and I had more money to spend on stupid shit like that. I tried Stance, SmartWool, even some of those toe socks. They were all pretty nice, and I thought they were “high quality” since they were the same price for one pair as a pack of Hanes or whatever. Without fail, though, they all ended up with a hole where my abnormally longer than the rest of my toes big toe went. Every damn time. And if that didn’t happen, the back heel area got worn through really quickly.
Enter Icebreaker.
I got some of these and they didn’t feel much different than the other merino wool ones, but, man, do they last. I’ve had a variety of models and weights, but they’ve all been excellent. The best are the “anatomical fit” styles that tell you which foot to put them on, so they conform to your toe box better and you don’t get that weird feeling when they’re worn in more for the other foot. It’s the little things.
Ok, so these fit great and feel great, and they’re merino wool so they don’t get stinky too fast. And did I mention they last? I’ve had some for literally years without getting holes in them. I don’t know how they do this, but the pulled it off. My knife feet, previously undefeated, are no match for this shit. However, one of my oldest and most worn pair eventually did get a slight big toe hole. Haha! I’ve still got it.
This is where shit gets wild.
I had heard legend of a lifetime guarantee they have where they’ll straight up replace socks if they get holes in them. It was a big factor in spending the money on them, but I never really got to test it out since they lasted so damn long. But when I finally felt that first hole, it was time to put it to the test. I took that pair and another that was starting to show some thinness near the heels into the store and kinda sheepishly asked them if I could exchange them. It felt super weird bringing in old ass socks and asking for a replacement, like the people who buy shit at Costco and use it for 7 years then go in demanding a refund when it inevitably gets damaged. But, if this sock thing was actually true, then the game has changed for me.
To my shock, they exchanged the damn socks, no questions asked.
Needless to say, I will never buy socks from any other company. The thing that’s wild, though, is that I may never need to actually buy socks ever again until Icebreaker goes out of business from me returning expensive socks or the giant meteor finally takes us all out.
Wasting money on
Cool S Clock. Totally worthless, but cool as hell. Definitely going on the wall in back of me so it shows up in Zoom calls. Available on Redbubble.
Listening to
Cooking
Eggplant curry – we had some friends (the family of a friend Pea has had since kindergarten) over for the first time since Covid started, and I kinda went a bit overboard with the menu I put together to cook. It was a whole middle easternish type of thing. I pulled it off by the skin of my teeth, still cooking when they arrived, and everything turned out pretty well. This curry was super tasty, definitely recommended.
Seeing
No shows this week, but I do have tickets to see Opeth and Mastodon coming up, which should kick ass 🤘🏼 My pal Zac saw the show in Chicago and said it ruled, so I’m stoked.
Drawing
Just finished this one up:
This one was pretty tough for some reason. There’s a lot of nuance in her expression, and at first I just didn’t have the placement of features correct. After tons of erasing and starting areas over, and a bit of cheating by overlaying my drawing on the reference photo to make sure things were in the right spot, things started to flow. I feel guilty for cheating, but not too much since all the detail was done by sight once I was sure the placement of the features wasn’t too far off.
This is one of those things I struggle with a bit. Is it actually “cheating” to take advantage of the ease the ipad makes overlaying images? I know the old timers made use of similar cheats to aid accuracy. I’m really trying to to just have fun and not care about the “purity” of it all.
Laughing at
Too real.
Learning about
Interstitial Journaling – basically, this is just writing down a timestamped log of what you’re doing or have just finished, and what you’re going to do next, throughout the day. Seems pretty basic and maybe even pointless, but it definitely seems like there’s some good thinking behind it. It’s essentially a way to be more mindful of what your intentions are throughout the day, and what prevents you from focusing on those things. There are lots of apps that can do this automatically for you, but the whole point here is the real-time reflection throughout the day to keep you focused on your accomplishments, struggles, and what’s next.
I’ve been giving this a try for the past week or so. It’s not as easy as it seems. I of course have wrapped myself around the axle trying to figure out the best technology solution for it (should I use Drafts quick capture throughout the day and then figure out a way to automatically import them into Obsidian? Should I build a Raycast extension that makes it easy directly from there? Should I just do it … on paper?). But it’s also difficult to remember to do it… which I guess is the whole point. I keep thinking I should maybe use Day One with it’s reminders and quick entry prompts. Or maybe use Session to also do the whole pomodoro thing and record thoughts after them.
I don’t know. The times I’ve actually gone a full day writing most things down, it’s pretty great. I suppose I just need to keep at it. If you’ve tried this, or have any pointers, let me know!
Watching
Issue 1
I dunno, I guess I’m going through a bit of a mid life crisis. I’m 45, which, if I’m lucky, is pretty much smack dab in the middle of the ~4500 weeks I’ll have on this planet, and all the things that sound like cliches are kinda true. My hair, which has always been black and thickly luxurious, is much thinner than it used to be. I’m still waiting for my Mitt Romneys to come in, though. And now I have shitty quarantine long hair that’s usually in a little man bun like four years after the trend. So yeah.
Leading up to now, Jen and I were separated for a year back in 2019 - 2020, and I was pretty much resigned to the fact that I was going to be another 40-something divorcee. That was a damn wake up call. That whole experience made time slow down and stretch out much like how years felt when I was a kid. So much shit packed into one short year that felt like 3. Happily, we worked things out and I feel like I have a new lease on life. Being on the edge, just about to fall off, can really wake your ass up. I don’t want to fuck things up again.
So, lots of changes have been and will always be in order from now on. Therapy, meds, mindfulness, yoga, all the usual stuff. And I suppose this newsletter is part of all that. I’ve always been reluctant to share anything because what the hell does anyone care about anything I have to say? But, I guess one good thing about getting old is the increasing ability to say “fuck it” and care a bit less than I used to.
So, hope you enjoy. Smash the like and subscribe button, etc, and reply if you want to talk about anything here!
Shit I’m…
Reading
Using
Wearing
Automating
Listening to
Cooking
Seeing
Live music is back, and I’m like a pig in shit. Here are some shows I went to recently:
Yob — My first show after 2 years of quarantine. What a way to come back. The drummer from Brothers of the Sonic Cloth was filling in for the tour, and he was killer. As usual, a crushing and beautiful experience.
Shiner — I discovered Shiner 20 years too late during Covid. After falling in love with Hum’s Inlet album, Shiner was a revelation. The Egg is an amazing album, and when I saw they were going to be playing Doug Fir when I was at the Yob show I mad a mental note to go, but of course forgot. Luckily I got an email or something reminding me about it, and man am I glad I did. They sounded great, played for a long time, and were heavy as hell. They even played a few encore songs.
Jonah’s Onelinedrawing opened, which was kinda funny/weird. He’s the singer from Far doing a solo singer-with-guitar thing. Not really my jam, and he’s pretty extra. He did play a version of the good Far song, which was cool.
Back story: I payed drums for Gehenna back in like 1995 for a small west coat tour with Integrity. We hooked up with Far and Damnation AD for a couple shows. One of them was at some line dancing club in Sacramento. My drums were on the tallest drum riser I’ve ever seen. There were like 30 people there or something. While we were playing something happened and the club wanted us to stop for some reason. We kept playing the song we were in the middle of and Jonah was freaking out telling us to stop. He probably didn’t want the show to get shut down because they hadn’t played yet or something. He ended up unplugging out amps like a dickhead. So yeah, that’s Jonah.
Deftones — the first “big” show since lockdown. I bought the ticket like 2 years ago and it was postponed a few times, but it finally happened. It was at the Moda Center where the Blazers play, which is pretty wild since the last time I saw them was in like 2012 at the Crystal Ballroom with Alex.
The opening band was called VOWWS and they were whatever. A two piece guitar + keyboards thing trying real hard to be goth with trench coats and stuff. Pass.
Next up was Gojira. Las time I saw Gojira was at the Hawthorne theater opening for Devin Townsend Project, so seeing them in a huge venue was pretty wild. They’re really fun live and they know how to work an audience. They’re famous for their weird guitar slidey screechy thing and wild double bass drumming, but I never realized how they can get down with some four-on-the-floor, meat and potatoes headbanging stuff. Pretty fun.
Then Deftones came out. Apparently it was the first show of their whole tour, so basically the first time playing a show in like 2 years or so. The sound was pretty crap for the first few songs, but it got better and they got more into their groove. It was pretty funny seeing how they guitar player is still a dude wearing big ass baggy shorts and long hair, Chino is Chino, and they had a new bass player after Sergio from Quicksand quit last year. They played Diamond Eyes, which was what I was mainly hoping for. They also played one of their songs from the deep Nü Metal days.
Monolord — Jen bought me tickets for this show at Dante’s for my birthday last year, which was awesome because I had no idea they were even touring. I’d never seen them live, but have played the shit out of their albums over the last couple years (especially the instrumental versions that are excellent work music).
First up was Simple Forms, which is the bass player from Yob’s side band with his brother on vocals. They were pretty cool and pretty unique.
Then Firebreather was up. They’re pretty much Sweden’s answer to High On Fire. Pretty ballsy. I need to listen to their album some more.
Then Monolord took the stage. A power trio’s power trio. Their drummer had his UNFUCK EVERYTHING shirt on and signature slicked back hair, and the bass player was dressed like a Scandinavian Les Claypool or something. The guitarist/singer looked the regular part, skinny with long ass hair. He had one of my favorite tattoos I’ve seen too.
They fuckin' brought it. Crushing riff after crushing riff for more than an hour. It was everything I hoped it would be.
Earthless — first up was Dommengang. They played pretty great psych rock stuff, and their drummer was super fun to watch. The guitar player kinda looked like a young Michael McDonald, hell yeah. Apparently they’re from Portland too, pretty cool stuff.
Earthless took the stage and proceeded to do like a 20 minute mellow intro buildup thing. Honestly, it was getting kinda old. Like, I know 20 minute songs is their thing, but this was kinda ridiculous and a bit boring.
Finally, though, they started to ratchet things up. Building and building and building until things started to hit ridiculous levels of energy and shred. It was pretty glorious. A couple encores as well. I should have known better than to doubt them.
Sunless — a tiny metal show at a shitty bar (High Water Mark).
Nature is healing.
First band was Magdalene. The guys I’m currently playing music with used to be in this band, but quit for Artistic Differences or something. They were pretty cool. Their album is rad.
Next was Aseitas. The dudes in the band were super nerdy and one of the guitar players had a ridiculous medieval axe looking guitar and dangly feather earrings. They were pretty great. Just super technical nerdy shit that I love.
Then Noctambulist, the band touring with Sunless played. They were pretty good death metal, not really my thing.
Then Sunless came on. Holy shit. I’ve loved their albums for a few years now, and I kinda equated them as a newer, younger Gorguts. I wasn’t really anticipating their live show though. Their bass player is a tall nerdy guy with glasses, a beard, and dreads that literally go down to his shins and a six string bass (of course). The guitar player looked like a cross between Nautas Kaupas and Hank Schrader from Breaking Bad wearing a black leather jacket. The drummer was a Normal Looking Dude.
They started playing, and it was pretty unreal. The guitar player is singing and doing these wildly technical single note picking parts the whole time. The bass player sets up his dreads to hang in front of them so they’re almost sweeping the stage while he lays down gnarly bass lines. And the drummer was technical perfection. I was pretty much blown away.
All of this for like 35 people.
The guitar player I’ve been playing with was there for the first few bands. Unfortunately he missed Sunless because the girlfriend of one of the first band’s members threw up her entire stomach on his girlfriend’s nachos and she was bummed out and wanted to leave.
Drawing
A few weeks ago I decided to start drawing as a hobby. I haven’t really drawn since I dropped out of Pratt back in 1998. I had the classic “you’re not good at drawing” childhood and never tried to draw until I decided I wanted to get into graphic design after taking a chemistry class I hated my first semester of junior college. I figured I had to be able to draw to be a Real Designer, so I took some basic classes at the JC. After a bit of instruction I realized I wasn’t too bad, it was just a matter of learning how to see differently. Then I transferred to Pratt and got put into an advanced drawing class that was pretty much all life drawing, which I had never done before. My teacher, Mr. San Felipo, had some pretty intense “not quite my tempo” vibes, literally removing me from my seat so he could draw instead of me because my shit was so bad.
But, I learned a lot.
Then I dropped out and pretty much never drew again. For a lot of people, drawing is “therapeutic” or relaxing or whatever. For me it’s the opposite. While I’m drawing my heart rate increases, I feel nervous, and I catch myself holding my breath for no reason. Basically, super high anxiety, judging myself the entire time.
So, I’ve decided to stop all that nonsense and just draw. I went out and bought an iPad mini with an Apple Pencil and I loaded up the copy of Procreate I bought years ago and never used. Interestingly, I’m way more apt to draw on an iPad than in a paper notebook because the thought of ruining a nice notebook makes me even more stressed, so this has been perfect.
And, dangit, I’m having a ton of fun. Rediscovering my abilities 24 years later has been pretty cool. I took a couple Skillshare classes (that link will get you and me a free month) on Procreate and portrait drawing, and they were surprisingly helpful. I’m feeling like I’m in The Zone™ for the first time in ages. I actually look forward to drawing, which is really new for me. I have a lot of practicing to do, and maybe someday I’ll get up the courage to use color, but I’m going to try to stick with it this time.
Here are some recent sketches I’ve done, and I’ll post more in future issues.
